So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
