Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
