you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
