my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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