Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
