We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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