I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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