And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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