i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
