I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
