i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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