Soap is not a condiment
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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