It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
