Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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