Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
