I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
