Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
