Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
