All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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