dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
