sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
