The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
