The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
