Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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