You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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