You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
