apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
