In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
