i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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