My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
