Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
