did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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