I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dick very happy bro
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
