You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
