this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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