He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
