also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The air was thick with penises
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
