i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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