I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
