if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
