we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
