he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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