Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
