I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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