Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry about my life...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
