im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
