i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gargled with NyQuil
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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