I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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