I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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