i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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