I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
