What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just puked most of my soul out..
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