mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
