I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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