You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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