remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
