don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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