playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
