but the lizard people decide everything anyway
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize