....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
