I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
