Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
