Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize