He asked me if I "almost moaned"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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