Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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