so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
