i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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