grandma shit on top of the toilet
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
