I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
