I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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