I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
