We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
