How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize