It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
