a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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