how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
