sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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