ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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