Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
