This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i've created a new STD.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
