The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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