Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
