My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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