why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
