After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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