Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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