That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
